Kiddo, on Easter vacation as of today, just came home. Spent the afternoon at his grandma's.
Me: Hey bud, whaddup? How was your day?
Kiddo: hmpf
Me: What happened?
Kiddo: Nana told me ALL afternoon how horrible tomorrow will be. I mean, how many times does she have to tell me? Is that supposed to make me feel better about tomorrow ??
(He gets braces and 4 teeth have to be pulled tomorrow. Definitely not exactly a fun thing to have done :-( )
Me: It'll hurt, yes. Sucks, but .......
Kiddo: Don't you start on me now, too !!!
Me: Ok.
Kiddo: And she wants to come with me !!!!
(angry as hell)

I pulled back. Wisely. And now am thinking about what kind of "old folks-meal" I can come up with for tomorrow's dinner.
My poor "baby" .....

Earlier this evening.
I asked kiddo to do the dishes from this morning while I started to cut veggies etc. for dinner. Also asked him to clean the stove top.
All of a sudden he gets the plastic spatula out of the drawer, throws open the fridge door and then the freezer door (the little one where you keep icecube trays).
Me: What on earth are you doing?
Kiddo: Well, we are an ecologically thinking household. To clean the stove top I might as well use the ice from the freezer. Needs defrosting anyway. And we save water. Right ?

No argument from me there ;-)

Kiddo got a new chest of drawers from his grandma.

One day last week I got home from work and found kiddo on the floor in his room unpacking the contents of numerous boxes.

Kiddo: Do you see this? I mean, do you see all these pieces? This is just for a small chest of drawers. What do you think would happen if we actually bought a bed? Can you imagine the number of pieces then? And this was heavy ! I mean heavy ! And just for a chest of drawers.

Me: You act like we never bought stuff from IKEA before. Not too long ago you helped me put our dining room set together. Now THAT were a lot of pieces!

Kiddo: Yeah, but this is just a chest of drawers.

He keeps on unpacking and unwrapping.

About an hour or so later I walk in, just checking.

Me: Are you making progress?

Kiddo: Yes.

Me just standing there for another 3 min watching him read the instructions and putting pieces together. Oh, and this time he didn’t get angry at the instruction like he did when it came to the mufins ;-)

Kiddo: What?

Me: Nothing.

Kiddo: You make me nervous.

Me (turning to leave): Ok, holler if you need help.

About 10 min later.

Kiddo: I need your expertise

Me (wondering if this kid will ever speak like a normal teenager): Sure.

Kiddo: I can’t assemble the drawers. I mean I put all the pieces together but now it needs to be fixed from the outside with these really strange plastic screws that you need to jam in with a hammer. I mean, what is this? Screws that you need to put into place with a HAMMER ?

Anyway, I have no clue how to get them in there. You can’t see the hole of the board on the inside, how do I know how to align them?

Me: With a lot of patience and a tender touch *grin*. You just have to feel your way through it.

Kiddo (looking rather puzzled): Uhu.

We assembled the drawer in a jiffy.

Kiddo: Only a woman can do this.

(Me cracking up on the inside, but not saying a word.)

Last night.
Kiddo: Is xyz (better half) coming up this weekend?
Me: No, he's sick. Needs some rest.
Kiddo: Oh. So, what are you going to do then on the weekend? Oh, don't answer it. I know already. You will READ. You always read. How can one read so much? Oh, and you will sleep. THAT is good as you never sleep enough. How can one sleep so little? But don't you want to see some people? Go out? I mean, it's kinda weird not to talk to anyone all weekend. Don't you miss having people around you? Talk to them? Instead of being alone and just reading. You really read too much. Wouldn't it be more fun to have people around you? That you do stuff with and can talk to? Just reading and sleeping is boring. Do something! Go out! Have fun. Have discussions. You like having discussions. And you like to talk. So, are you going to do ANYTHING but reading???
Me: Sweetz, I talk for a living and people talk to me all day. That is my job. Don't you think I just LOVE not having to listen or to talk once in a while?

Smart kid. He immediately understood that I so did not want to continue THAT discussion ;-))

Kiddo and I met at the bus station on our way home. The usual ensued.
Kiddo: What's for dinner?
Me: Not sure yet.
Kiddo: Are you going to the supermarket?
Me: Yep.
Me, off to the supermarket, kiddo home as he wanted to meet with a class mate to work on a presentation for school and needed to get "stuff".
He was still at home when I got back from the supermarket.
Kiddo: So. What's for dinner?
Me: Pancakes.
Kiddo's eyes big, bigger, the biggest: WHAT ?
Me: Yes. Pancakes.
Kiddo: WHAT ? YOU voluntarily make pancakes? For dinner ?????
Me: Yep.
Kiddo: Are you feeling ok??
Me: Yep.
Kiddo putting on his coat, about to leave, mumbling: Pancakes. She makes pancakes for dinner .... She said that that is not a "real" dinner. And now she voluntarily makes pancakes.
PANCAKES ! What's wrong with her ....... ?

I love it when I still can surprise my offspring ;-)))

Tuesday evening. Me getting ready to go out. In the bathroom "powdering my nose". Kiddo strolls in. (Again - what is it with kids cornering you in the bathroom ??!!!) Kiddo sits down on the toilet seat. Watches me applying make-up. Starts a lecture:
Do you actually know what all that stuff you put on your face ... I mean all the creams and oils and make-up and stuff do to the environment? It all goes into the water ! (and goes on and on)
(Remind me that I like a critical kid that watches the news, please !!!)
Oh, you missed a spot there. (pointing to a not yet perfect eye-shadow application).
Me: (silent)
Kiddo: You ought to fix that. Doesn't look good yet.
Me: (silent, fixing it, then applying mascara)
Kiddo: Why do you do that anyway?
Me: I like to look representable when I meet people.
Kiddo: You look good.
Me: (silent. But all smiles)
Kiddo: Hmmm, how about red nail polish ? That really looks good.
Me: Nah, don't feel like it tonite.
Kiddo: But it really looks good.
Me: Thank you, sweetz.
Kiddo: True. Have fun. Love ya.

Now. Guess that is the teenage version of a 5-yr-old wanting to marry his mother. Just with a critical mind, critical eye and some "environmental" thoughts ;-)

Gotta love him.

When I got home after work I found a note from kiddo; in three languages:
" Do un paseo con Nana (his grandma)."
"Ich mache einen Spaziergang mit Nana."
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand ......

" I do a way with Nana."

W H A T ????????