Kiddo and I met at the bus station on our way home. The usual ensued.
Kiddo: What's for dinner?
Me: Not sure yet.
Kiddo: Are you going to the supermarket?
Me: Yep.
Me, off to the supermarket, kiddo home as he wanted to meet with a class mate to work on a presentation for school and needed to get "stuff".
He was still at home when I got back from the supermarket.
Kiddo: So. What's for dinner?
Me: Pancakes.
Kiddo's eyes big, bigger, the biggest: WHAT ?
Me: Yes. Pancakes.
Kiddo: WHAT ? YOU voluntarily make pancakes? For dinner ?????
Me: Yep.
Kiddo: Are you feeling ok??
Me: Yep.
Kiddo putting on his coat, about to leave, mumbling: Pancakes. She makes pancakes for dinner .... She said that that is not a "real" dinner. And now she voluntarily makes pancakes.
PANCAKES ! What's wrong with her ....... ?

I love it when I still can surprise my offspring ;-)))

Tuesday evening. Me getting ready to go out. In the bathroom "powdering my nose". Kiddo strolls in. (Again - what is it with kids cornering you in the bathroom ??!!!) Kiddo sits down on the toilet seat. Watches me applying make-up. Starts a lecture:
Do you actually know what all that stuff you put on your face ... I mean all the creams and oils and make-up and stuff do to the environment? It all goes into the water ! (and goes on and on)
(Remind me that I like a critical kid that watches the news, please !!!)
Oh, you missed a spot there. (pointing to a not yet perfect eye-shadow application).
Me: (silent)
Kiddo: You ought to fix that. Doesn't look good yet.
Me: (silent, fixing it, then applying mascara)
Kiddo: Why do you do that anyway?
Me: I like to look representable when I meet people.
Kiddo: You look good.
Me: (silent. But all smiles)
Kiddo: Hmmm, how about red nail polish ? That really looks good.
Me: Nah, don't feel like it tonite.
Kiddo: But it really looks good.
Me: Thank you, sweetz.
Kiddo: True. Have fun. Love ya.

Now. Guess that is the teenage version of a 5-yr-old wanting to marry his mother. Just with a critical mind, critical eye and some "environmental" thoughts ;-)

Gotta love him.

When I got home after work I found a note from kiddo; in three languages:
" Do un paseo con Nana (his grandma)."
"Ich mache einen Spaziergang mit Nana."
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand ......

" I do a way with Nana."

W H A T ????????

A few minutes ago ...

I forgot something at the supermarket.
Me:You need something?
Kiddo: Nah.
Me: You sure?
Kiddo: Yep.
Me: Sure sure??
Kiddo: Yehesssssssssss !!

Not a minute passed after I left the door. Cell rings.

Kiddo: Can you bring soap with you?
Me: I JUST asked you if you needed something !! And I just bought soap about a week ago.
Kiddo: I don't like it.
Me: Huh??
Kiddo: It smells funny.Besides it gives me the hives when I use it to wash myself.
Me: It took you a week to tell me that the soap gives you the hives? Are you nuts ?
Kiddo: And bring ice-cream?? Puhleeeeeeze.

Totally ignoring me ......

*sigh*

Yesterday afternoon.
Kiddo: Can we have Monday dinner on Modays?
Me: Huh? Sure we'll have dinner on Monday.
Kiddo: No, I mean a Monday dinner.
Me: Care to explain?
Kiddo: Like a dish that we have Mondays.
Me: You mean like EVERY Monday ??
Kiddo: Yes.
Me: Why?
Kiddo: I just like the thought.
Me: Okay, and what should I cook then on Mondays?
Kiddo: Potatoes, carrots, turnips and Bratwurst. AND that white sauce, but the real one.
Me: Every Monday??
Kiddo: Yes.
Me: You might get bored of it after a while.
Kiddo: Nah, I just like to know what's for dinner ahead of time.
Me: On Mondays?
Kiddo: Yes.

Me just thinking that I have no clue sometimes who that kid is.
I have no idea where he got it from that things have to be predictable.
Me, I get bored easily.
But fine .... I'll make "Monday -dinner" tonite ......

There’s an „orientation“-day at kiddo’s school today (you might want to call it an ad-campaign).

His class is supposed to be there (on a Saturday; guess you can imagine his thrill :-(  )

Parents were asked to bake something.

Now, as I can’t bake to save my life (you do remember the x-mas-cake story ?? ) I said ok, I’ll make muffins (the mix from the supermarket).

I gave kiddo money to buy three packages.

Kiddo: THREE ??? What for?

Me: Uh, you are 32 kids in class, 3 packages yields 36. Guess that makes sense.

Kiddo: Mom, you don’t get it. The cakes, cookies, whatever are not for US but for the people that show up to check out the school.

Me: I did get it, thank you. And there will be more than 36 people showing up at your stand AND I’m pretty sure that some of you kids won’t be able to keep their hands out of the cookie jar, so to speak .... so go and buy three packages.

He bought one package.

Well, he’s 15 and I anticipate much more grave issues than how many muffins to bake.

So I kept quiet.

Last night he made the muffins.

Read the instructions.

Kiddo: This is written so badly.

Me: Huh?

Kiddo: They don’t tell you that you are supposed to keep some of the chocolate chips to sprinkle on top. Now I put all of them in the dough!

Me: a) Who cares? There is no law that you have to make the muffins exactly as it says on the package. b) It says it right there (pointing to the passage on the box) that you are to leave some chips to sprinkle on top. The one that can read clearly has an advantage *evilgrinandleavingthekitchen*

10 min later he comes over to the living room and shows me the arrangement of unbaked muffins on the baking sheet.

Kiddo: Look at that !!! (looking latently discontended with the overall situation ;-) )

Me: Ok. Nice.

Kiddo: Nice ??? It says on the instructions (me rolling eyes) to put 2 table spoons in each cup. But now they are all uneven.

Me: Hmmm, if the instructions don’t make sense to you, why don’t you just make it in a way that DOES make sense to you ?? Like I said .... there is no law that you have to stick to the instructions. A little own thinking and own creativity maybe ?? And yes, the cups are not filled evenly. Why don’t you just take a tea spoon and “rearrange” the dough a little.

Kiddo: No !! It said so in the instructions and it is supposed to work out then. Otherwise they should not write instructions.

Me: Who are you ?? Who raised you?? Will you always stick to what people say even if it doesn’t make sense whatsoever ??? Haven’t I taught you to think on your own ???

Kiddo: MOM !! It’s only muffins !!!

Me about to start a major speech on independent thinking ..... but then again .... he’s right:

It's only muffins.

Yet ................. nah

*sigh*

Good-nite-time.
The usual ritual.
Me about to leave his room.

Kiddo: Alarm clock!!!
Me: Uh, on Sunday ? I think not.
Kiddo: Sure, so we can go jogging at 5 am.
Me: Cool idea. 5 am it is. I'll set the alarm.
Kiddo: MOHOOOOOOM ! NO !
Me: What?
Kiddo: You are crazy!! 5 am ???!!
Me: You just suggested it and I think it's a grand idea.
Kiddo: MOHOOOOOOOOOOOOM !!!!
Me: What??
Kiddo: I am so not getting up at 5 am! And jogging?? No !
Me: See you at 5 am (quickly closing the door).

Muffled sound....... Mohoooooom !!!

Now .... thinking ...... 5 am it is, right ? ;-)

I took kiddo out to dinner tonite.
Just so.

Aaaaaaand to talk about the report card that he got last Wednesday.

All went well, we basically agreed and he has made up his own solution plan to get out of the rut in two subjects. Me pleased :-)

Now, English is not one of the subjects that need special attention.
Yet it bugs me that he only got a C ( 3 in Germany) and I had my say about that.

I lost the battle a few years back about English being the common language at home - we mostly speak German.
And I gave up forcing the language upon him. Doesn't make sense anyway to force something.

We got home after dinner.
I went to the sofa to read a book, he turned on his PC.

After a while I went to the bathroom.
Beats me to this day and will puzzle me to the end of my days why kids "need" to talk to you while your behind is glued to the toilet seat !!
(Ok, we can't "escape" .... I got that part..... )

So he made himself comfortable on the bathtub rim and started yapping.

In ENGLISH !!!!!

From athlete's foot (yes, you read right !!!) to his teachers to the weather to food to my better half to my students to  my upcoming birthday to .................. he just about covered everything. In English !!!!

Me: Jeeeeez, you are aware of the fact that you sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger, right?
Kiddo: Doesn't matter. As long as people understand me, who cares?

That is _exactly_ what I tell my students.

But don't you just hate it when your kid starts using your material on YOU ?????