Kiddo, head phones on, singing along to whatever song. Loudly !

Mash-a-choo-shits, mash-a-choo-shits, mash-a-choo-shits .....

Okayyyyyyyyyyy..... guess I'll never move to Massachusetts with him then ;-)

On rare occasions I let kiddo watch some stupid TV-show. Like now.
Out of the blue a voice from the couch:
"Would you like to have skin like a peach?"

Me in tears with laughter, kiddo no clue as to why. At first.

Then:

Mom!! I _know_ these commercials are ridiculous !!!

Pheeeeeeeew ;-)

Home after a long weekend away .... Kiddo picked me up from the train station. I came home to a clean apartment (he even did the dishes !!!). He got all ready for doing laundry (himself). He said all the food I prepared for him was very yummy (except for the salad dressing - I tried a new homemade concoction) and chatted away ..... aaaaaaaaaaaand:

"And what are you making for dinner tonite ?"

Yep. I am home alright :-)

Kiddo (yelling from the other side of the hallway): You can hol' ab now.
Me: What ? I can hole up now? Like pulling the covers over my head ? Not talking to anybody ? Going into hibernation ?
Kiddo (rather confused): What are you talking about ? Du kannst das netbook abholen . (You can pick up the net book was what he wanted to say.)

Uhm .... yeah, hole. Like bullet hole in that section of my brain where language skills are formed *sigh*

As part of my fall-cleaning I took basically all my clothes out of the closet and dumped them on the couch. Left the room for a hot second. Came back. Kiddo stretched out on the couch on top of the pile of clothes.
Me: You comfy?
Kiddo: This is MY spot !

Yep, I still love him :-))))

Kiddo, the one that bitches biiiiiiiig time when I go "no-meat" on him for dinner, just gulfed down 4 man hole-sized latkes and a tub of applesauce. And I really mean man-hole-sized !!!
Me: Like it?
Kiddo: YEAH !

No words left :-)

So, I am in this fall-cleaning frenzy.
Kiddo has to help. All fine with him.
We took the balcony furniture down to the basement and I brought up a box.
Kiddo: What do you need THAT for ?
Me: I'm putting my summer clothes into hibernation.
Kiddo: Why?
Me: Does it look like I'm gonna wear my summer dresses anymore ?
Kiddo: I wear mine year-round.
Me: Your summer dresses?
Kiddo: Sure.

A minute later:

Mohooooooooooooooom !!!

*lol*

For all my German/English speaking friends:

Kiddo (handing me something): You can behold that.

I am so so so shooting myself !!

;-(

What is it with kiddo?
Shortly before bedtime (which is 10 pm) he runs into the living room.
Doing an Elvis, then a Chuck Norris with the shadows on the wall,then throws himself next to me "Hey Mom, what's up?", then goes into a rendition of some 80's song, then steps on the balcony and throws his arms up in the air "Ahhhhhh, what beautiful air!", then dares me to a boxing match and then says "Ok, gotta go to bed. Good night!"
Uhm .......

Now these are the conversations I can't stand - especially not before 7 am.
Kiddo: Are you going down to the basement today?
Me: The basement? What would I do there? Why would I go there?
Kiddo: So, you are not going.
Me: Give me a good reason why I would go there and tell me why you are asking.
Kiddo: I have school until late and then I immediately need to get to rowing.
Me: And that has WHAT exactly to do with me going down to the basement?
Kiddo: If you are going down there you could drop my gym bag next to my bike in the basement and I wouldn't have to walk up to get it but could go straight to rowing.
Me: See? THAT makes sense to me. A simple reason. And why not just ask me if I would mind dropping the bag down there at some point during the day?
Kiddo: So you are going down to the basement?
Me: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

"Do you say the door close good-bye"

That was what kiddo just said to me on his way out.
I will just assume that he really wanted to say:
"Will you say good-bye and close the door?"

Otherwise I would have to shoot myself ;-(

Kiddo, apparently in a heat frenzy, just took to defrost our little fridge freezer.
Strolls over, asks me some trivial stuff and then sticks a handful of chopped ice down my shirt, laughs his butt off ....

Yep, I _do_ love him. Seriously.

Kiddo just got home. First thing out of his mouth:
"Are you nuts!!???"
Me: "I love you, too."
Kiddo: "You are cooking!"
Me: "Hmmm, like I do basically every evening."
Kiddo:"It's hot and you turn the stove on!!??"
Me: "Wanna eat something or not?!"
Kiddo: "Yes, but, damn it's hot!"

He didn't even ask what's for dinner. Just pushed me aside to get the best position in front of the fan *lol*

Kiddo chose "ethics" instead of "religion" at school. Much to my delight. Same time slot. Ethics was cancelled and the religion class went to see an undertaker whereas the ethic-kids had 2 hours off. Now, just a thought .... why not take the ethic kids along ??? Then ... they had Freud in another class. Conditioning. I asked about Pawlow. WHO ? Johari? WHAT ? I went down the list, normal psychology stuff. HUH?? Frightening, our school system.......

Kiddo off to get supply for school:
"While I'm at it, shall I also bring xyz cleaning detergent for the bathroom? We ran out of it."
Me: "Yeah, thanks."
Kiddo: "Do we actually have cleaning cloths? We always use sponges or the paper towels."
Me: "Have a look in the middle kitchen drawer."
Kiddo (came back with the cleaning cloth-thingies): "But those are nice ones. I mean those that you can make dirty."

Me ..... simply at a loss for words to explain the philosophy behind a cleaning cloth.

Jurassic Park 3. On TV.
Me: Oh gosh, again?
Kiddo: No, not again, you fell asleep during 1 and 2 and you didn't see 3 yet.
Me: All the same.
Kiddo: Go sleep.

I still love him. Truly. I do. Seriously.

Kiddo. Stretched out on the couch. Two important things running through his mind.
"The TV died. What's for dinner ?".

Uhm .......

6:30 am, kiddo philosophizing, more talking to himself than me:
I like the still hours of early morning.
Nobody to bug me, nobody talking to me, nobody I have to talk to .... just peace and quiet.
I like taking the bus that early. Nobody at the bus stop. Just me. And peace and quiet.
I like that.
Gonna be hot today. Up to 26° C. Now, THAT I don't like. Too hot. I don't like to sweat.
But. Mom! (now addressing me) Perfect weather for a walk later this afternoon. Wanna go? We can talk.

Me (all smiles): Sure, love.

I was away over night and not exactly just around the corner. No sweat - kiddo almost 16 and not yet in trashing-the-house-party-mode.
I prepared dinner to just heat and only thing I demanded was a fone call at night.

Kiddo (grave voice) : I'm in trouble and seriously sick.

Now .... only reason I didn't have a coronary was that I am used to his "tricks on me" since he was two (then actually really seriously sick).

Me: Okay, I love you, too.
Kiddo: See you tomorrow. Love you.
Me: Bye.

All good :-)

I bought these fun boccia soft-ball-thingies today. Took me about 2 hours to convince kiddo to try them out with me in the hallway. Finally he relented. Boy, did we have a ball !! He kept on throwing the balls back at me after each game. Had a field-day that I really can't catch. No big deal. Big laughs. He teased me. Threw all kinds of curves. We were in stitches. "Mom!!! You are sooooo bad !! I mean, I AM bad already. but jeeeeeeeeez ! You are seriously bad !!" All good. Until one of the balls hit my eye. Damn that hurt! All good. No serious harm. But kiddo all shattered. He held me in his arms and stroke my head while I was just switching between "ouch, ouch! ouch!!" and laughing my butt off. Gotta love this kid :-) Next game tomorrow ;-)

Kiddo and I were chatting last nite, watching the news, me online.
Kiddo: Oh, can I google something?
Me: Sure. What do you need?
Kiddo: Something for my history test. Russian Revolution.
Me: Go ahead.

He looked up several pages and started to give me a summary.
In ENGLISH.

Now, this is the kid that I tried to raise bilingually yet that has refused to speak English at home for the longest time.
And then he goes off, in English, about the Russian Revolution ????

Saturday evening. Kiddo came home after having been out and about all day. While he waits for dinner (simmering on the stove) he starts doing homework. English homework. Now, we have this thing: Mom-kid-homework equals bad karma. BUT: He asks when it comes to English. Reluctantly, though.
Kiddo: What does "teilnehmen" mean?
Me: Context?
Kiddo: .... the states that .......
Me: Context?
Kiddo: What?
Me: What context ?
Kiddo: WHAT context?
Me (taking a deep breath): Gimme the whole sentence.
Kiddo: ...... the states that (nahmen teil) (took part) ...
Me: In what?
Kiddo: What?
Me (taking another long breath) : Took part in what?
Kiddo: War.
Me: What war?
Kiddo: Any war.
Me: What war?
Kiddo: WWII
Me: Giving only an opinion or actively participating?
Kiddo: Actively participating.
Me: There you have your word.

Like I said .... bad karma ;-(

Kiddo, on Easter vacation as of today, just came home. Spent the afternoon at his grandma's.
Me: Hey bud, whaddup? How was your day?
Kiddo: hmpf
Me: What happened?
Kiddo: Nana told me ALL afternoon how horrible tomorrow will be. I mean, how many times does she have to tell me? Is that supposed to make me feel better about tomorrow ??
(He gets braces and 4 teeth have to be pulled tomorrow. Definitely not exactly a fun thing to have done :-( )
Me: It'll hurt, yes. Sucks, but .......
Kiddo: Don't you start on me now, too !!!
Me: Ok.
Kiddo: And she wants to come with me !!!!
(angry as hell)

I pulled back. Wisely. And now am thinking about what kind of "old folks-meal" I can come up with for tomorrow's dinner.
My poor "baby" .....

Earlier this evening.
I asked kiddo to do the dishes from this morning while I started to cut veggies etc. for dinner. Also asked him to clean the stove top.
All of a sudden he gets the plastic spatula out of the drawer, throws open the fridge door and then the freezer door (the little one where you keep icecube trays).
Me: What on earth are you doing?
Kiddo: Well, we are an ecologically thinking household. To clean the stove top I might as well use the ice from the freezer. Needs defrosting anyway. And we save water. Right ?

No argument from me there ;-)

Kiddo got a new chest of drawers from his grandma.

One day last week I got home from work and found kiddo on the floor in his room unpacking the contents of numerous boxes.

Kiddo: Do you see this? I mean, do you see all these pieces? This is just for a small chest of drawers. What do you think would happen if we actually bought a bed? Can you imagine the number of pieces then? And this was heavy ! I mean heavy ! And just for a chest of drawers.

Me: You act like we never bought stuff from IKEA before. Not too long ago you helped me put our dining room set together. Now THAT were a lot of pieces!

Kiddo: Yeah, but this is just a chest of drawers.

He keeps on unpacking and unwrapping.

About an hour or so later I walk in, just checking.

Me: Are you making progress?

Kiddo: Yes.

Me just standing there for another 3 min watching him read the instructions and putting pieces together. Oh, and this time he didn’t get angry at the instruction like he did when it came to the mufins ;-)

Kiddo: What?

Me: Nothing.

Kiddo: You make me nervous.

Me (turning to leave): Ok, holler if you need help.

About 10 min later.

Kiddo: I need your expertise

Me (wondering if this kid will ever speak like a normal teenager): Sure.

Kiddo: I can’t assemble the drawers. I mean I put all the pieces together but now it needs to be fixed from the outside with these really strange plastic screws that you need to jam in with a hammer. I mean, what is this? Screws that you need to put into place with a HAMMER ?

Anyway, I have no clue how to get them in there. You can’t see the hole of the board on the inside, how do I know how to align them?

Me: With a lot of patience and a tender touch *grin*. You just have to feel your way through it.

Kiddo (looking rather puzzled): Uhu.

We assembled the drawer in a jiffy.

Kiddo: Only a woman can do this.

(Me cracking up on the inside, but not saying a word.)

Last night.
Kiddo: Is xyz (better half) coming up this weekend?
Me: No, he's sick. Needs some rest.
Kiddo: Oh. So, what are you going to do then on the weekend? Oh, don't answer it. I know already. You will READ. You always read. How can one read so much? Oh, and you will sleep. THAT is good as you never sleep enough. How can one sleep so little? But don't you want to see some people? Go out? I mean, it's kinda weird not to talk to anyone all weekend. Don't you miss having people around you? Talk to them? Instead of being alone and just reading. You really read too much. Wouldn't it be more fun to have people around you? That you do stuff with and can talk to? Just reading and sleeping is boring. Do something! Go out! Have fun. Have discussions. You like having discussions. And you like to talk. So, are you going to do ANYTHING but reading???
Me: Sweetz, I talk for a living and people talk to me all day. That is my job. Don't you think I just LOVE not having to listen or to talk once in a while?

Smart kid. He immediately understood that I so did not want to continue THAT discussion ;-))

Kiddo and I met at the bus station on our way home. The usual ensued.
Kiddo: What's for dinner?
Me: Not sure yet.
Kiddo: Are you going to the supermarket?
Me: Yep.
Me, off to the supermarket, kiddo home as he wanted to meet with a class mate to work on a presentation for school and needed to get "stuff".
He was still at home when I got back from the supermarket.
Kiddo: So. What's for dinner?
Me: Pancakes.
Kiddo's eyes big, bigger, the biggest: WHAT ?
Me: Yes. Pancakes.
Kiddo: WHAT ? YOU voluntarily make pancakes? For dinner ?????
Me: Yep.
Kiddo: Are you feeling ok??
Me: Yep.
Kiddo putting on his coat, about to leave, mumbling: Pancakes. She makes pancakes for dinner .... She said that that is not a "real" dinner. And now she voluntarily makes pancakes.
PANCAKES ! What's wrong with her ....... ?

I love it when I still can surprise my offspring ;-)))

Tuesday evening. Me getting ready to go out. In the bathroom "powdering my nose". Kiddo strolls in. (Again - what is it with kids cornering you in the bathroom ??!!!) Kiddo sits down on the toilet seat. Watches me applying make-up. Starts a lecture:
Do you actually know what all that stuff you put on your face ... I mean all the creams and oils and make-up and stuff do to the environment? It all goes into the water ! (and goes on and on)
(Remind me that I like a critical kid that watches the news, please !!!)
Oh, you missed a spot there. (pointing to a not yet perfect eye-shadow application).
Me: (silent)
Kiddo: You ought to fix that. Doesn't look good yet.
Me: (silent, fixing it, then applying mascara)
Kiddo: Why do you do that anyway?
Me: I like to look representable when I meet people.
Kiddo: You look good.
Me: (silent. But all smiles)
Kiddo: Hmmm, how about red nail polish ? That really looks good.
Me: Nah, don't feel like it tonite.
Kiddo: But it really looks good.
Me: Thank you, sweetz.
Kiddo: True. Have fun. Love ya.

Now. Guess that is the teenage version of a 5-yr-old wanting to marry his mother. Just with a critical mind, critical eye and some "environmental" thoughts ;-)

Gotta love him.

When I got home after work I found a note from kiddo; in three languages:
" Do un paseo con Nana (his grandma)."
"Ich mache einen Spaziergang mit Nana."
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand ......

" I do a way with Nana."

W H A T ????????

A few minutes ago ...

I forgot something at the supermarket.
Me:You need something?
Kiddo: Nah.
Me: You sure?
Kiddo: Yep.
Me: Sure sure??
Kiddo: Yehesssssssssss !!

Not a minute passed after I left the door. Cell rings.

Kiddo: Can you bring soap with you?
Me: I JUST asked you if you needed something !! And I just bought soap about a week ago.
Kiddo: I don't like it.
Me: Huh??
Kiddo: It smells funny.Besides it gives me the hives when I use it to wash myself.
Me: It took you a week to tell me that the soap gives you the hives? Are you nuts ?
Kiddo: And bring ice-cream?? Puhleeeeeeze.

Totally ignoring me ......

*sigh*

Yesterday afternoon.
Kiddo: Can we have Monday dinner on Modays?
Me: Huh? Sure we'll have dinner on Monday.
Kiddo: No, I mean a Monday dinner.
Me: Care to explain?
Kiddo: Like a dish that we have Mondays.
Me: You mean like EVERY Monday ??
Kiddo: Yes.
Me: Why?
Kiddo: I just like the thought.
Me: Okay, and what should I cook then on Mondays?
Kiddo: Potatoes, carrots, turnips and Bratwurst. AND that white sauce, but the real one.
Me: Every Monday??
Kiddo: Yes.
Me: You might get bored of it after a while.
Kiddo: Nah, I just like to know what's for dinner ahead of time.
Me: On Mondays?
Kiddo: Yes.

Me just thinking that I have no clue sometimes who that kid is.
I have no idea where he got it from that things have to be predictable.
Me, I get bored easily.
But fine .... I'll make "Monday -dinner" tonite ......

There’s an „orientation“-day at kiddo’s school today (you might want to call it an ad-campaign).

His class is supposed to be there (on a Saturday; guess you can imagine his thrill :-(  )

Parents were asked to bake something.

Now, as I can’t bake to save my life (you do remember the x-mas-cake story ?? ) I said ok, I’ll make muffins (the mix from the supermarket).

I gave kiddo money to buy three packages.

Kiddo: THREE ??? What for?

Me: Uh, you are 32 kids in class, 3 packages yields 36. Guess that makes sense.

Kiddo: Mom, you don’t get it. The cakes, cookies, whatever are not for US but for the people that show up to check out the school.

Me: I did get it, thank you. And there will be more than 36 people showing up at your stand AND I’m pretty sure that some of you kids won’t be able to keep their hands out of the cookie jar, so to speak .... so go and buy three packages.

He bought one package.

Well, he’s 15 and I anticipate much more grave issues than how many muffins to bake.

So I kept quiet.

Last night he made the muffins.

Read the instructions.

Kiddo: This is written so badly.

Me: Huh?

Kiddo: They don’t tell you that you are supposed to keep some of the chocolate chips to sprinkle on top. Now I put all of them in the dough!

Me: a) Who cares? There is no law that you have to make the muffins exactly as it says on the package. b) It says it right there (pointing to the passage on the box) that you are to leave some chips to sprinkle on top. The one that can read clearly has an advantage *evilgrinandleavingthekitchen*

10 min later he comes over to the living room and shows me the arrangement of unbaked muffins on the baking sheet.

Kiddo: Look at that !!! (looking latently discontended with the overall situation ;-) )

Me: Ok. Nice.

Kiddo: Nice ??? It says on the instructions (me rolling eyes) to put 2 table spoons in each cup. But now they are all uneven.

Me: Hmmm, if the instructions don’t make sense to you, why don’t you just make it in a way that DOES make sense to you ?? Like I said .... there is no law that you have to stick to the instructions. A little own thinking and own creativity maybe ?? And yes, the cups are not filled evenly. Why don’t you just take a tea spoon and “rearrange” the dough a little.

Kiddo: No !! It said so in the instructions and it is supposed to work out then. Otherwise they should not write instructions.

Me: Who are you ?? Who raised you?? Will you always stick to what people say even if it doesn’t make sense whatsoever ??? Haven’t I taught you to think on your own ???

Kiddo: MOM !! It’s only muffins !!!

Me about to start a major speech on independent thinking ..... but then again .... he’s right:

It's only muffins.

Yet ................. nah

*sigh*

Good-nite-time.
The usual ritual.
Me about to leave his room.

Kiddo: Alarm clock!!!
Me: Uh, on Sunday ? I think not.
Kiddo: Sure, so we can go jogging at 5 am.
Me: Cool idea. 5 am it is. I'll set the alarm.
Kiddo: MOHOOOOOOM ! NO !
Me: What?
Kiddo: You are crazy!! 5 am ???!!
Me: You just suggested it and I think it's a grand idea.
Kiddo: MOHOOOOOOOOOOOOM !!!!
Me: What??
Kiddo: I am so not getting up at 5 am! And jogging?? No !
Me: See you at 5 am (quickly closing the door).

Muffled sound....... Mohoooooom !!!

Now .... thinking ...... 5 am it is, right ? ;-)

I took kiddo out to dinner tonite.
Just so.

Aaaaaaand to talk about the report card that he got last Wednesday.

All went well, we basically agreed and he has made up his own solution plan to get out of the rut in two subjects. Me pleased :-)

Now, English is not one of the subjects that need special attention.
Yet it bugs me that he only got a C ( 3 in Germany) and I had my say about that.

I lost the battle a few years back about English being the common language at home - we mostly speak German.
And I gave up forcing the language upon him. Doesn't make sense anyway to force something.

We got home after dinner.
I went to the sofa to read a book, he turned on his PC.

After a while I went to the bathroom.
Beats me to this day and will puzzle me to the end of my days why kids "need" to talk to you while your behind is glued to the toilet seat !!
(Ok, we can't "escape" .... I got that part..... )

So he made himself comfortable on the bathtub rim and started yapping.

In ENGLISH !!!!!

From athlete's foot (yes, you read right !!!) to his teachers to the weather to food to my better half to my students to  my upcoming birthday to .................. he just about covered everything. In English !!!!

Me: Jeeeeez, you are aware of the fact that you sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger, right?
Kiddo: Doesn't matter. As long as people understand me, who cares?

That is _exactly_ what I tell my students.

But don't you just hate it when your kid starts using your material on YOU ?????

Me (announcing loudly and clearly from the bathroom): I'm going into the tub !
Kiddo (immediatlely throwing the bathroom door wide open): Guess that means you do not want to be disturbed.
Me: You got that right, kiddo! Stick to it !
Kiddo: Sure.

Minute later, kiddo in the bathroom, breath taken to say something different, but then he saw my gadgets lined around the bathtub: ARE YOU CRAZY ??
Me: What?
Kiddo: You have your laptop with you by the TUB !!!!
Me: Yeah. And ?
Kiddo: Don't you know that xyz amount of volt can kill you and ....... (on and on ....)
Me: Says the one that keeps his cell phone right on the rim while he's in the tub. Might kill you, too. Boooooooooh !!!Get out and let me chill.
Kiddo: You apparently do not know what kind of ramifications this might entail?
Me: Kiddo, take a chill pill and now leave the bathroom. Thank you.

Peeking over my shoulder: Who are you chatting with?
Me: Hmmm,  wanna know, huh?
Kiddo: Yeah.
Me: Means I have to be online, huh?
Kiddo: Sure.
Me: Nuff said. Get out.

Chill time ;-)

bright ass and bushy tailed

bright ass and pussy wailed

bright was and wussy mailed

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Kiddo's attempts at "bright-eyed and bushy-tailed".

And I swear he did not know what exactly he said there !!!!

Well, it ain't easy being green ..... especially not if your first language is Germenglish ;-(

Met kiddo at the bus station after work today.
And noooooooooooo, first question was not, for once, "What's for dinner?".

But when we got off the bus he started to give a lecture on as to why he doesn't like pizza anymore:

I mean, pizza is okay. After all I don't have it that often. But nowadays I've had had it after half a pizza. Remember when I could eat TWO !!?? But, something goes awry with my taste buds now after half a pizza. It's first "oh yummy!". Then it's like, I don't know. The pleasure just vanishes. I tastes good, but only for half s pizza. No clue why that happened.
I sat there and just wondered why I put two pizzas in the oven last week. Yeah sure, I USED to eat two.
But nah, it's really not that tasty anymore.
Wonder why that is ....
Oh, can I have hot dogs for dinner ??

Me: WHAT ??  Who are you and what did you do to MY kid ??? The one that asked me if I could make poached salmon for dinner. Or duck breast. Or pasta with gorgonzola sauce. WHO are you ????

Kiddo: What ???

He's having hot dogs for dinner *hmpf*

Yesterday.
I'm on the bus on my way home from work. 4:45 pm my cell phone rings. I already KNEW who it was without looking.
Kiddo: Where are you?
Me: Look at the clock and then take an educated guess.
Kiddo: No, yes, well, no, I mean where exactly are you?
Me: Corner of xxx and yyy.
Kiddo: What's for dinner ?????
(I just _knew_ it !!!)
Me: You'll see that when I get home; gotta go to the supermarket first.
Kiddo: Can I have one of the sausages in the fridge?
Me: No, they are part of dinner.
Kiddo: When do you get home?
Me: Take another educated guess. See you.
Half an hour later I get home with the rest for dinner.
Kiddo (No hello whatsoever): So what's for dinner?
Me: Buddy, if you ever call me on my cell again from my landline spending senselessly money just to ask me what's for dinner you will wish that you never knew me!
Kiddo: But I was hungry!!
Me: Then make yourself a sandwich, eat a yoghurt, have an apple or whatever !
Kiddo: Nah.
Me: Well, then you couldn't have been so hungry.
Kiddo: So you gonna tell me now what's for dinner ?
Me just walks away ....

Earlier today I told kiddo a somewhat funny story about the disposal of the x-mas tree.
Kiddo: "The x-mas tree is gone?"
Me: "Ahem, since last Tuesday."
Kiddo: "Oh, I didn't notice."
Me: "It was right smack in the middle of the living room and you didn't notice??????"
Kiddo:" I knew there was SOMETHING different. Just couldn't figure out what."

Uh ........

Last night. Kiddo ready to go to bed : "I'm wearing socks to bed."
Me: "Well, as you don't have a girlfriend, I guess you can pull that off."
Kiddo: "Why? What's wrong with wearing socks to bed ?"
Me: "It's highly unerotic to wear socks to bed."

Makes me wonder a little that I didn't hear a highly indignant "Mohommmmmmmmm!!"

Panic. Dishevelled teen running into my room. A bit past noon.
Kiddo: "Why didn't you wake me !!!!???"
Me: "Was I supposed to ???"
Kiddo. "Yes. No. Yes. No. But WHY didn't you wake me!!???"
Me: "Didn't know I had to ...... "
Kiddo: "Do you know what time it is !!??"
Me:"Uh, yes."
Kiddo: "Do you know how long I have slept ???!!!"
Me: "Uh, yes."
Kiddo: "I mean, I went to bed at midnight. Not 5 am. Do you know what time it is???!!!"
Me: "Uh ..... "
Kiddo runs into the bathroom, slams doors, wiggles half-dressed along the hallway, throws on his coat, halfway out the door ....
Kiddo: "Mom, say good-bye to me? Kiss?"
Me:" Uh ....."
Kiddo: "See you tonite at 8."
And gone.

Kiddo up at 6 am. Weekend.
"Ooooops, I set the alarm."
Me: "Go back to bed!"
Kiddo leaves only to return less than half an hour later and crawls into my bed.
Me: "I meant YOUR bed."
Kiddo: "The return to the sleeping process is a highly complicated matter."
Me: "Uh .............. "

I am getting scared now.

Kiddo discovered TBBT (The Big Bang Theory) and gets the hang of it .....

Nerd-alert ????